I'M PREGNANT, NOW WHAT?

I'd spoken to my partner openly about having children but, whilst we had discussed it and I was looking forward to having children, I spent the Autumn of 2019 feeling anxious about looking after a tiny human. I wanted to get married, travel more, maybe even save a little bit towards a house deposit before my offspring arrived.

However, life had other plans and at the end of 2019, I found myself sitting on the toilet, holding a stick with my urine on it, crying my eyes out because WHAT NO, NOT NOW, I CAN'T, I DON'T WANT TO, IT'S TOO HARD, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AFTER A TINY BABY WHEN I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SEW OR MAKE AN OMELETTE.

That night, I shed so many tears I may have been mistaken for Niagara Falls. There's a human growing inside of me, it's real and it is hip-happening right NOW.

After a restless night, conversations with family, and a few deep breaths, I managed to calm down. 

I knew I was freaking out about bringing up a human because it it was going to be a challenge. If I know that something is going to be hard, I just won't bother. If I know doing something or going somewhere is going to push me out of my comfort zone, I'll retreat slowly into my cocoon of comfort but when it comes to another life, a life that me and my partner had created together, the rules are different. 

This is what WE wanted, this is what WE had planned for (maybe not so soon but it was there, sitting happily in 'future plans'). This was the card that life had dealt us and we chose to stick.