MUM'S THE WORD

I feel guilty everytime I moan about pregnancy but this is my first, and I am finding it HARD. I'm on my third(?) bout of thrush which has reduced me to tears. I never suffered with it before I was pregnant but it is taking its toll on me now. I've never used a tampon, so shoving pessaries and creams up my vagina was quite the experience. I cried trying to put the pessary in - I've had bigger inside me (hello, I'm pregnant ffs) yet those little tablets put up a fight. I gave up with the pessaries in the end and continued using the external cream, cleared up for a week, then returned with a vengeance. Oh, the joys.  If thrush wasn't bad enough, I've been social distancing for six days and I'm slowly going mad. I spent mothers day away from my Mum which really played havoc with my hormones. Luckily, we live in the 21st century with video calls. It's not the same but hey, guess it will have to do for now.  I just want little one to be saf...

I'd spoken to my partner openly about having children but, whilst we had discussed it and I was looking forward to having children, I spent the Autumn of 2019 feeling anxious about looking after a tiny human. I wanted to get married, travel more, maybe even save a little bit towards a house deposit before my offspring arrived. However, life had other plans and at the end of 2019, I found myself sitting on the toilet, holding a stick with my urine on it, crying my eyes out because WHAT NO, NOT NOW, I CAN'T, I DON'T WANT TO, IT'S TOO HARD, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AFTER A TINY BABY WHEN I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SEW OR MAKE AN OMELETTE. That night, I shed so many tears I may have been mistaken for Niagara Falls. There's a human growing inside of me, it's real and it is hip-happening right NOW. After a restless night, conversations with family, and a few deep breaths, I managed to calm down.  I knew I was freaking out about bringing up a human becau...